Monday, May 30, 2011

Go be fat somewhere else.

little debbie in his mitts
This is him going up the grandstand, just so you get the idea.
this is him sleeping again.

I am going to weave a tale of a man so large, that his mere being in public was an affront to everyone who is near. We shared the same space for several hours at the Indy 500 in the bleacher section between turns 3 and 4. This man was the living embodiment of the obesity epidemic in America. This is coupled with the fact that he was just wasting space there, and didn't really care what was going on with the noisy 4-wheeled contraptions traveling the mile oval in front of us. His seat (and the extra space he was usurping) could have been used for someone who cared about the race, and was prepared to sit outside, and be at least a bit courteous to those around him.

Calling this man fat was an understatement. He was about 6'5" and every bit of 400 lbs. Not only that, he wore a bright lime green shirt which I had to keep in mind when trying to take race photos (it was absorbing all the light). To top this off he was in black jeans, something anyone knows you don't wear outside when sitting in the sun. We can thank our lucky stars that he was at least clean, and not wearing a wife-beater with all his skin exposed, but he was still there.

My first encounter with him was him asking me move my wheeled cooler bag, while he was almost standing on it. He was giving me this look like i was violating his space, but soon I would find he was violating everyone else's. My wife and I were sitting behind my in-laws, and he was beside my mother in law. When he stood up, his elbow was level with and directly in front of her face. There was simply nowhere else for it to be. On my right was a skinny teenage kid, who couldn't put his legs in front of him or open his cooler because this man's girth was spilling into his space.

At one point he got up to use the bathroom, and caused 2 rows to empty so he could get out. When he came back, he was trying to step down from the bench so he could sit, and everyone had to give him a wide berth, because we all knew he couldn't see his feet. The possibility of tripping and taking out 10 people was apparent to everyone around. There was a hush as he teetered on the brink of disaster, but he managed to make it, much to the chagrin of his rented seat-back.

Now here is where I was going to lose it, if not for the presence of my in-laws. The man did nothing but eat and sleep during the whole entire race. It's bad enough he was taking up all that space, but we watched him eat 2 Little Debbie Nutty Bars, fried chicken, chips, a hamburger, and and ice cream cone. Between face stuffings, he was sleeping. He would nod off, rocking backwards in his rented seat-back, and nearly enveloping the kid next to me. I looked over at him, and his cooler was now underneath Monstro's lime green upper half. He was sitting with legs akimbo, because the space where his legs should go was gone. I assured the kid that I had his (much smaller) back and just tap him. He did, and the guy sat up, until the next time he was asleep. He nodded off about 6 times during the race, usually between noshes.

At one point he got up for that ice cream, and came back with it dripping all over the front of his shirt. He was oblivious to that and the fact everyone around him, (save for the guy on his right who he came with) were just about sick of his crap, and were now mocking him within earshot.He didn't seem to know what was going on, either with the race, or with anyone else's obvious discomfort. Thankfully with about 30 laps to go, the two men on the end of their row left, letting everybody spread out (finally).

It is hard for me to make formulate a point without sounding like I'm ranting. Sure,there are large people getting kicked off planes, or not being allowed to check onto one, or being made to buy two seats in movie theaters because of their girth. Then they go on TV or blog about how society is against them, oppressing them because their widdle feelings got hurt. There is a reason for that. THIS GUY!! I guess my point is this. You made yourself this way. Don't expect everyone else to kowtow to you because you stuffed your face when you should have been walking around the block. This isn't healthy, and it's the equivalent of second hand smoke to have to be packed in such tight quarters with you. I really hope one day someone tells you what you are doing and how your chosen lifestyle inconveniences others. or you just wake up and realize how unhealthy you are.


  1. Tell how you really feel Mike,,,,lol

  2. That guy looks big, but I have seen bigger. Still, he sounds like a jackass. Sorry you had to go through this ordeal at our expense. ;)